almost lover
by Tiffany Blews
Summary: And this is what forbidden feels like. Troy/Sharpay/


And this is what forbidden feels like.

It's stolen glances and borrowed affection. It's dirty words and hotel rooms. It's two in the morning and wishing she would stay. It's phones on silent and muffled moans. It's you and her and secrets and and you hate to admit that you don't feel the least bit guilty.

It's _you should've picked me then _and _he doesn't love you like I do. _It's broken promises, because she swore it was the last time, and sighs of defeat, because you're both too far in to quit. It's watching her sleep and praying -

_oh, God, please let her stay, sorry, my mistake, wrong decision_

- and being scared to go to sleep yourself, because you know she'll be gone by the time you wake up. It's her soft skin under your calloused fingertips and her pink, fruity-tasting lips against your own. It's whispering sweet nothings into her ear while she traces her fingers down your chest. It's _I love you _and _you know it's too _late.

It's watching her get into a cab, wishing it was you that she was coming home to. (But, you suppose, you'd rather be the one she's cheating _with_, than the one she's cheating _on._)

It's when she has become your obsession, and everytime your girlfriend kisses you, all you can taste is _watermelon_. It's twisted and wrong and you know that eventually, someone is going to get hurt, but you are in _way_ too deep, and this is something that you can't pull yourself out of.

&&&

And this is what the end feels like.

It's silent and you get the strangest feeling that you are going to remember this _forever_. That it will play on loop in your head, constantly reminding you of the fact that _you fucked up_. She blinks a couple of time and you are wondering _when did she become such a shitty actress?, _because she is not fooling you.

In a far corner of your mind, you are telling yourself that this is a dream. That all this _hurt_ and _want_ will evaporate and you will wake up in your parent's house, and your mother will be yelling at you to get up before you're late. You will make it just in time, and you will get your phone taken up by Darbus. Gabi will sit next to you at lunch, and you will listen to Chad talk about new game plans. Of course, this is only in ten percent of your brain, the other ninety is positively sure that this _is_, in fact, real and that you are about to lose the only thing that you've ever _truly_ loved.

"This has gone on long enough, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

You are laughing on the inside, because, karmically speaking, this is _exactly_ what you deserve. You blew her off, and you _hurt_ her; you broke her and you didn't even acknowledge it. You were young and stupid, and you thought you had found _it_, you thought you had found your forever. Now you are so very aware that there are no _forevers_, that nothing is set in stone.

She takes a deep breath, lets it out, says _I'm sorry Troy._ You have no idea why she's apoligizing, this is all your fault. _You_ let her go. _You_ made the wrong choice. _You _are the huge fuck up.

You press the heels of your hands into your eyes, take in a shaky breath; everything is wrong. She isn't supposed to be hurting and you aren't supposed to be breaking and your life isn't supposed to be falling apart. You let out an exsasperated sigh, eyes finally rising to meet hers. She blinks once, slowly, and, God, you _cannot_ go back to normal after this. Because, she is _it_, _everything_, how can you live like you did before, how can you just pretend like this didn't happen?

(_How can you get better when you've had the best?_)

Everything that used to matter (basketball, your scholarship, Gabriella) doesn't mean anything anymore, not at all; you can't even remember the appeal in any of those things. It's like the world is grey, it's cold and heartless and it holds nothing for you (you just thought it did). She blew up in your sky, pink and warm and alive and that was it. She became everything, and when she's gone, there's the grey and the nothing. You can barely stand the weeks between your nights with her, so how can you manage your whole life with no light?

You see her lips forming around _goodbye_ and you rush to her, grab her and pull her close. She shakes her head, swift and jerky, _I'm leaving Troy._

"Sharpay, just... stay with me, just stay."

Her eyes are weak, she closes them hard, grimaces.

"Stay with me _forever_."

She opens her eyes and they twinkle, stars who have just been promised the world, diamonds with the prospect of love instead of hotel rooms, she says _don't hurt me again. _

"Never."

* * *

well, i haven't uploaded in like, forever, so i thought i'd give you guys this. it's bad. really, really, terrible. and old, can't forget old. it's been sitting on my computer for ages. it's just... random, and weird and stupid and i don't like it much at all. but hey, whatever, maybe y'all will like it? review please?


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